Chell in the what way?!
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
-T.S. Eliot
Why would anyone intentionally leave a great job at an organization they love and believe in, with nothing else lined up? I ask myself this as I sip my coffee at home, the second week adjusting to saying goodbye to my current career and yes to a calling I’ve yet to define.
People have been very kind, supportive really, as I’ve let them know of my choice. Courageous is the word I’ve gotten most frequently. Is it courageous or cray cray, though? My mind can’t help but chime in with the old familiar self doubt.
So, I’m intentionally throwing myself off a cliff to follow the unrelenting messages from my intuition, and listen, I’m terrified! I know shouldn’t be, I’m very capable and always land on my feet. But that’s not the point of this leap. I want to fly.
I can survive without a job through September, and during this brief but essential time I’ll travel, write, go on a spiritual retreat with a favorite author, reclaim pieces of my heart left in other places, and (this is the hardest part for me), be still. Stop for a moment. Be quiet enough to receive the messages my heart is trying to send as to what I should be doing to best serve the world in a way that’s most in alignment with my deepest desires.
I don’t know what it is, but I do know it will allow me the time and space to be creative, singing and dancing, choreographing and directing, for as long as I live. I love to write so I’m taking time to explore that by creating this blog, and maybe a few books. It’s spirituality and it’s wellness, and it’s definitely based on leading with love. I imagine a life of being a helper in a big way, impacting many lives through teaching, speaking, traveling, hosting retreats and collaborating with incredible thought leaders I’ve encountered along the way.
I’ve always known I’m meant to help others, to be their champion and remind them of their inner light and beauty, which can get so buried during a life. Sounds great, right? It's just that...I must learn how to do this without losing myself and running my own reserves dry (as I tend to do as a chronic fixer). My hunch is that many of you dear friends can relate.
I’ve heard it said the best teachers are those who are most in need of the lessons they are called to teach. This makes me no exception- I’m so much better at bringing out in others what I cannot see in myself. I hope this process will help me to see it in myself too.
As the saying goes, when one door closes another one opens, but it’s hell in the hallway. Often we end up there by life-altering circumstances out of our control, but I’m choosing to put myself there, curiously seeking the light under each door. Is it worth the risk? Only time will tell but I know I will come out of it transformed. So, here she goes...Chell is now officially in the hallway.
